Tuesday, April 23, 2013


What would possess me to blurt out "I felt like I was drowning" when describing a personal situation to a room full of people that I barely know?

My desire for real relationships. The realization that if someone doesn't take the first steps to openness and truth, nobody can move forward.

I believe our society is STARVING for real relationships of significance and authenticity. But we care too much about what others think.  So we let ourselves keep starving and keep drowning.

So in the spirit of all of this, I would like to share something.

There was a point in my first marriage that my ex husband and I sought counseling.  We desperately needed it.  I told three people very close to me about it.  I didn't tell anyone else, because I was afraid of what people would think.  Of the three people I told, I got "good for you" from two of them and an uncomfortable "Oh. I wouldn't tell people that if I were you." from the last.

At first this bothered me and I felt that it confirmed my fears of judgment. Then I had the amazing thought of "NO! This is why there is such a stigma surrounding therapy and it is why people would rather divorce or live in absolute misery instead of seeking help.  This is why people hurt themselves or others instead of getting help."

I then made the decision to be the loudest proponent of therapy that ever was. So if you have not heard me say it before, here it is. GET HELP. I think most people would benefit from therapy.  Therapy is not just for people in desperate situations.  It is for people who could use some help working through things, and doesn't that apply to all of us?

Does therapy fix all of your problems?  No.  I mean, my first marriage still ended in divorce, but I got so many excellent tools that helped me grow as a person, helped the divorce process go more smoothly, and also helped me when my second marriage came around.  I could also say with certainty that I had worked hard and tried everything.  It ended up being invaluable time and effort and expense put in.

If you don't want to tell anyone about going to therapy, you do not have to.  The fact that I am so vocal about it does not mean that is what you need to do.  If privacy is what will get you there, then keep it private!

If cost is what is keeping you from going:

Contact your doctor
A religious organization
Local college
See if your city offers 211, which you can call for information on services available near you.
Google "Crisis hotline" with the name of your city.

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