Sometimes I don't know if I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Sometimes this applies to the small things "Did I really want a wild cherry Slurpee or did I want Coke?" and sometimes it is bigger, like "Should I live in Texas or somewhere that isn't so hot?" I work hard to think it through, and make a mental list of pros and cons and whys and why-nots.
Today, Philip asked me what I wanted to be when I was growing up. We had a long talk about it. During the talk, I realized "These are the moments you know, and you realize THIS is what I am supposed to be doing. And it doesn't take a lot of thought."
These moments sometimes happen once in a lifetime: "I know I want to marry this man." "I know I want to be a Mom." And then sometimes they happen once a year, once a month, three times a day, when we are reminded: "That's why I married him. I knew I made a good choice." or "I knew that being with my children is exactly what I am meant to do."
I posted the following on Facebook one day, another day when it was reaffirmed to me. A day when in between the hustle and bustle of all we do, I had whispered a quick prayer, "Lord, please help me remember that You have called me and equipped me in these things I do." What came to me after is summed up here:
I love having my kids here with me. Some days it is really hard and I question my sanity but more often than not I am so glad we have made the choices we have and I know we are doing exactly what we should be doing, and I look at Gracie's little finger running below a line of text or see Philip curled up in a chair doing math, with his cheek resting on his fist,and I remember YES, this is beautiful. And it makes my heart smile.
Sometimes you have to stop thinking with your thinker, and Know with your Knower.