Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Love Is For Everyone

Love is for everyone.  There is nobody excluded from it.  Not you.  Not the person who makes choices you disagree with.  Not the person who annoys you.  There is nothing that can make someone unworthy of love.  Maybe someone you know needs a little extra love this week.  Maybe it's you!  Be gentle.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Parenting Secret for Noobs

All of you highly experienced or perfect moms who have it all together all the time can skip this one because it is a total noob revelation.

Children were born with a radar system.

This radar alerts them to relaxation and/or you leaving them to their own devices.  The small crackle a book makes when you open it.  The sound of you tiptoeing into another room and gingerly opening and shutting the door.  The little static sound the television makes when you turn it on.  Even if you are hunched over the remote in a tiny ball in the dark, waiting to push MUTE as soon as it turns on so nobody will hear.  Even if you are just easing into a comfortable chair in a totally different room than your kids.  This radar sends them into a panic and they think "I need something NOW.  It doesn't matter what it is, but I need it NOW and ONLY MAMA CAN HELP ME!"

You're welcome.  Now you are armed and ready for the fact that you will probably never go to the bathroom alone again.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Raising Them Is Just Part Of The Journey...

I had a super wonky childhood.  It left me a totally crippled-by-fear-of-failure parent for a long time.  I've graduated to being a slightly neurotic parent.  Most days I can deal with my humanity, and the fact that I can't do everything for my kids, or protect them from the universe by keeping them in the Mommy Bubble.

My husband still needs to reassure me from time to time, "We are doing fine.  They are great kids.  Stop worrying so much!"

What it comes down to is, I'm an adult.  I cannot blame my shortcomings on my childhood.  I cannot ruin my marriage and my motherhood letting it make me so scared and nervous.  Because I make choices every day that make me responsible.  Yes, my life experiences may color my outlook and affect my decisions, but they cannot be the driving force in my life.  The time came a long time ago for me to decide who I was going to be.

I already knew this...but a light bulb moment came today when I realized that this will describe MY kids eventually.  I will have given them the foundation to make their choices already.  Then it is up to them.  I will have made mistakes.  Chances are I will not have ruined their lives though, and they will make the decisions each day to either build on the good things or be forever warped by the errors I made as I journeyed through parenting.  That will be their choice.

This took a load off of my shoulders.  I will still call older parents for advice.  I will never stop reading books that will help me develop as a parent.  I'll keep learning how to be a better Mom.  But I don't have to hook the next 80 years of their lives on what I do this minute, whether or not I made every second exactly what it should have been-I am a good Mom.  Overwhelmingly, I am teaching them what they need to know.  Then it's in their hands.

I have a feeling the more I grasp this concept, the better their lives will be.  My crazy never helped them have a better childhood, or taught them how they can be functioning adults.  It just made life harder.  I have them for such a short time, then the rest is up to them.