Saturday, May 17, 2014

Parenting Secret for Noobs

All of you highly experienced or perfect moms who have it all together all the time can skip this one because it is a total noob revelation.

Children were born with a radar system.

This radar alerts them to relaxation and/or you leaving them to their own devices.  The small crackle a book makes when you open it.  The sound of you tiptoeing into another room and gingerly opening and shutting the door.  The little static sound the television makes when you turn it on.  Even if you are hunched over the remote in a tiny ball in the dark, waiting to push MUTE as soon as it turns on so nobody will hear.  Even if you are just easing into a comfortable chair in a totally different room than your kids.  This radar sends them into a panic and they think "I need something NOW.  It doesn't matter what it is, but I need it NOW and ONLY MAMA CAN HELP ME!"

You're welcome.  Now you are armed and ready for the fact that you will probably never go to the bathroom alone again.

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